Losing someone we love is hard for every single one of us. There’s no denying that as long as we have a connection with someone, we’ll feel the pain of loss if they’re gone. Although we can’t get rid of grief unless we’re simply alone for the rest of our lives, there are ways to lessen it.
Why do we Grieve?
I remember asking this question a while ago because it seemed like such a horrible feeling. Why couldn’t we just be more accepting to loss and not let it affect us? Sadly, we were simply not made to be that way.
I read an awesome article that really explained the reason for grief, and that was a side effect to attachment. In the past, people had a better survival chance when they are with others, and my belief is that all human emotions are based on the need to survive, as in our emotions were created to help us survive better. The purpose of missing someone we connect to us to bring us back to them.
Ever felt homesick or missed your family and friends when you moved away? Sometimes, you get an overwhelming urge to go back because you felt sad being away from them. However, death is permanent. Once the person’s dead, they’re gone forever. Even though our emotions are telling us to find them again, we literally can’t. That’s what causes all these overwhelming emotions of denial, disbelief, anger, sadness and resentment.
Forgetting is the only way to completely overcome Grief
Forgetting is the only way you can truly overcome grief, when you no longer think about it, dwell upon it or be reminded, that’s when you’re probably not overwhelmed with sadness. Some people may never get rid of grief, while others can push it out of their minds enough to not let it affect them.
How do you forget? As often as you’ve heard this: Time is the only way.
Regrets is one thing that make Grief so much Worse
If we think of death as a new beginning, and believe me, being hopeful sometimes is the one way to pull you through hard times, why wouldn’t you want your loved ones to start something new? Shouldn’t it be a celebration? Why are we crying about their death? Besides missing them, could another part of the reason our emotions are so strong, is that we regret things? Do we regret not ever saying something to them? Not telling them something we wanted to? Not buying them that flat screen TV they wanted so badly?
Guilt is another horrible emotion you do not want added with grief, because in addition to missing your loved ones, you’re also blaming yourself for what you could or should have done. So please listen to this advice: Live each day so that you carry no regrets about what you wish you had done.
One of the biggest reasons for guilt is not spending enough time with someone. Perhaps you blame yourself for not talking to them before and you didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to them, or not ever telling them how you felt. This guilt may be with you for the rest of your life. If tomorrow is the last day on earth and you can say you lived a life with no regrets, then you have done well.
Another way that pulls me out of grief is feeling hopeful. You need to hope that the best has happened to them, rather think they disappeared forever. No matter what your beliefs are, find some hope that they’re somewhere, happy and alive.
If you believe they’re in Heaven, that’s brilliant. Keep thinking how happy they are to watch over you now.
If you believe they’ve reincarnated, perhaps they’re not far and who knows, you may even meet one day without knowing.
Tips and Advice for Dealing with Grief
1) Don’t be afraid to reach out for support. Talking to others often share half the burden. Try talking to family, friends or grief counselors.
2) Release your emotions, so if you feel like screaming or crying, do so. Don’t hold it in. Perhaps we were made to do these things to help us in some ways!
3) Do everything you want to do with this person while you can, don’t wait until it’s too late because you never know what will happen tomorrow.
4) Find some ways to distract yourself. As hard as it may seem, but you need the distraction. Sometimes, you may realise that you were able to spend a whole hour without thinking about it. However, realise that some things may act as reminders.
5) Hold onto the hope that they’re alive in some ways.
Remember, your loved ones are always there, if you remember.