Many of us have experienced some kind of bad experiences from childhood. I know all of us want to look back at our childhood and feel utmost nostalgia, wishing to return to that carefree time. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for some, as your memories may be buried with deep nightmares and pain.
Perhaps you’ve had to deal with grief or instability. Perhaps you suffered abuse, whether it’s mentally, psychically or psychically. Perhaps you had very negative experiences at school and constantly got bullied. Any of that may plague a dark hole in your heart and not allow you to lead a happy life you could be living now.
If these people are no longer in your life…
If these people are no longer a part of your life, the best thing you can try and do is to accept what they have done, to think of one positive thing that came out of it – perhaps it’s to help you realise that these bad experiences have helped shape you into the person you are now with all your beliefs, goals and dreams, to have strengthened you in some ways, and finally, to let go and forget about them.
Easier said than done, right? But I will help you through the process.
Holding onto the Anger and Hurt only stops yourself from living the happy life that you deserve!
It’s true that nobody deserves to be ill treated, especially by their parents, friends, relatives or school. We’re all people who have high esteems, so if we get hurt, we build up anger and eventually, need to expel it somehow. There are many things making a person crazy to the point that they will be bullies and abusers, and we have no control over them. However, what we do have control over is ourselves. We don’t have to let this negative experience consume our life and make us miserable, because heck! You do not deserve that.
The first thing I want you to say to yourself is: I deserve happiness! Yes, you deserve all the happiness in the world! The good (sometimes bad) thing is, you control your own happiness. That’s what we were meant to do as we grow up, to take control of our lives and happiness. Nobody can tell us how to feel!
Accepting what happened to you is always hard. It’s harder when you feel shame or stupidity. That’s only because it’s you! Just imagine if you’re looking at a child who’s being abused or bullied. What do you feel towards him or her? Embarrassment and shame? Or pity and love? Try and see your situation from someone else’s point of view, by imagining you as not you, but someone else.
You may feel that because you experienced something horrible, people will look at you differently. In most cases, people probably won’t. They’d probably just be so angry at whoever that did it to you, rather than see you differently, because remember – you had little or no control over what happened, so why should people view you differently?
Thinking about one positive thing that came out of it
This may be the hardest thing to do in the world, but only when you do that can you let go of what they’ve done. How can something positive ever come from a negative experience? Sometimes, it may be something indirect, such as your experiences have made you the person you are today.
If your parents were the ones abused you as a child, at least think this: They gave you life. You are now alive in this world, able to do what you want. You can choose to live a miserable life, cursing about why you are so unlucky, or you can turn things around right now and experience true happiness. As long as you’re alive, there’s hope and there’s great things you can achieve.
Have we ever thought about how we got to where we are? one of the biggest things I want to remind people is that, who you are now is influenced by everything that happened to you. Your goals, beliefs, personality and everything about you! Could you still be the same person if you had not experienced what you did? Perhaps you don’t like who you are now, but that’s something we will get into later on to try and resolve. But as long as you can make a difference to one person in this world, that person will see you as their hope.
Just because you suffered abuse of some kind, that doesn’t mean you have to go on repeating the cycle. One of the most inspirational people who turned things completely around for him is Dave Pelzer, I read his books when I was young and was horrified about what happened to him, yet now, he’s leading a happy life and helping hundreds of people. You too, can be like that!
Sometimes when you shift your focus from yourself to others, you will find that even the small things can make you happy, such as brightening someone else’s day with a smile. If your goal can be aimed for others, such as believing that you don’t want what happened to you happen to someone else, that is what will separate you from all the people who repeated this cycle. Did you know that many abusers are really unhappy with their lives and are inflicting their anger and bitterness to themselves and the world onto you?
Perhaps your experiences has made you a stronger person. They always say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I agree, because experiences makes a person wise, by helping them realise things they wouldn’t. Think of it as catching chicken pox. The first time you get it, you’re defenseless. But afterwards, you develop antibodies and if it ever tries again, you can fight it off easily. Same with these experiences. You can use your knowledge to help yourself better in the future, and other people who may be going through what you are.
Let go of them and Forget
This may be impossible but remember those people who did this to you probably aren’t leading happy lives themselves. They’ve spent most of their lives doing horrible things, they probably have nobody that truly care for them or love them, and they’re going to be in that coffin alone. They’re the people who failed so miserably at life that you probably wouldn’t even pee of them if they were on fire. Pity these people, because they are the ones who really missed out on the real meaning of life. These people don’t deserve your remembrance!
As for you, you can be having that bright future that you dreamed about. However, having them in your mind all the time will not help!
Forgetting is something to be trained, and the best way to do that is by focusing on something good in your life, or something you enjoy. If you’re simply living your life by studying or working, you need to find one hobby that you are truly passionate about and pursue it! Don’t make your life all work or study (unless you love it as much as you love a hobby), because hobbies are what makes you excited and look forward to life!
For me, the things that have always made me very happy are: Building websites, connecting with other people, watching the shows I really love, promoting Wuxia and being crative. Doing these things make me excited to wake up each morning, and you can be that way too!
One thing you must remember about children Bullying
Kids do not know at all that what they say can really hurt others. Even when I was young, I remember saying some horrible things to others because it was interesting (at that time) to see them get upset. Thinking about it now, I am appalled at my own self back then, but I simply didn’t know. It’s something they must be taught. Even if you are slightly different from the rest, you’re likely to be picked on because people naturally fear what’s different from them.
As I want to point out, the whole racism thing (which is almost similar to a group of kids picking on one that may have different interest or act differently) is because humans by nature feel negative towards anyone who’s “different” in any way. That goes with different personalities, different interests, different skin colours, different body sizes, different languages or countries they’re from. That goes back to ancient times when people were in tribes in the world. Other tribes may have been a threat, so people over centuries, developed a dislike towards differences. This is also similar to how people feel disgust towards diseases or faeces.
Now that you’ve come to terms with your past, try and focus on doing something you truly love, and let this slowly fade from your memories, and your life. Good luck to every one of you and never forget, you deserve happienss!